Joanna Stokes:
I regularly work with capable, ambitious women who tell me, “I want to step up into senior leadership, but I’m terrified of what I’ll have to give up.”
These are women who have led successful teams, who look at senior leadership and think, “I could do that.”
What holds them back is rarely capability. Instead, it’s the stories they’ve absorbed about what leadership demands. Stories about not being ready, not being the right kind of leader or needing to choose between professional ambition and caring responsibilities. These narratives shape decisions before a role is advertised.
One client, a head of department with over 20 years experience in FE, feared senior leadership would make her “hard, cold, corporate.” She rarely heard senior women talk about getting home for their children. She saw evening events, long hours and little space for real life.
In Rebecca’s research on senior leaders in FE, women downplayed their family commitments while male leaders more freely shared how fatherhood shaped them. When women don’t hear the full story, they draw their own conclusions. To lead, you hide who you are.
Beneath these narratives sit deeper worries. ‘What happens if there’s a family emergency during a board meeting? Who will cover the care?’ ‘What will break if I stretch myself further?’
These concerns aren’t always about children. Many relate to ageing parents, siblings needing support, or being the emotional anchor in a family. The mental load is heavy, and the cost of ambition can feel too high.
One client described it as “the emotional burden I carry.” Even with a supportive partner, she held the mental load.
DfE workforce figures show that women make up 65.5 per cent of the FE workforce, yet representation drops to 62 per cent at manager level and 54 per cent at senior leadership level. This 8-point drop between managers and senior leaders tells its own story. Women are capable, yet the pipeline narrows at the point where influence increases. It isn’t a glass ceiling. It’s an invisible exit.
Dr Rebecca Gater:
International Women’s Day 2026 invites us to reflect on this issue through its theme ‘Give to Gain’. In FE, this theme lands with force. Women already give extraordinary amounts of time, emotional labour, and logistical expertise. Yet there is one thing many women do not give, even though it would make the biggest difference to others. Their stories.
The honest ones. The ones about navigating ambition and caring responsibilities, facing guilt, setting boundaries, and negotiating flexibility. When senior women talk openly about the realities of their lives, they give something powerful. Permission to be ambitious without guilt. To lead without losing themselves, and to believe that senior leadership can support family life, not conflict with it.
Women do not need another leadership programme. They need role models who talk openly about sports days, parents’ evenings, caring for relatives and the boundaries that help them thrive. Authenticity is not a liability. It’s a strength.
When women share their real stories, not the polished versions but the human ones, we don’t just support individuals. We strengthen the entire sector.
Leadership rarely begins at work. It begins in the everyday. Women develop significant transferable strengths through caring for children or elderly parents, coordinating households, supporting others emotionally and navigating difficult life events that require resilience and diplomacy.
In my case raising four daughters meant learning to manage logistics and negotiate competing needs, skills that shape her leadership every day. Every woman has her own version of this story.
These strengths are leadership assets. Mentorship sits at the heart of “give to gain.” Women in leadership have a responsibility to support others through guidance, sponsorship and generosity of experience. Women rising through the sector have a role too, which is simply to ask. Most leaders will feel honoured to be approached.
Our joint call to action
FE cannot afford outdated narratives about who leads and how. We need to:
- Share our lived experiences openly
- Mentor generously
- Champion authenticity as a leadership strength
Who could you support, encourage, or mentor this week, simply by sharing a little more of your story?
Your thoughts